Before The Saber Swings
by WaterlillyRose
Summary: The night before his execution, Kylo asks to see Rey.
1. Chapter 1

**I've previously posted on Archive of My Own and haven't posted on her for years. I thought I might share this story as I worked very hard on it.**

* * *

It was almost cosy in a Spartan kind of way. Kylo had never much seen the point of trinkets and useless decoration. If it wasn't essential to him, he did without it.

The past two weeks had been almost peaceful in comparison to the weeks prior to his capture. He had been dragged to Naboo where the Resistance had set up a new base following their victory.

He had been presented as a prisoner to the rebels where General Organa set eyes on her only child as a grown man for the first time. Most expected him to drop his eyes so naturally he went out of his way to disappoint them by refusing to so much as blink in her presence.

He had been surprised by how small she was. He had always remembered her being this presence that commanded respect, loyalty and utter obedience. It seemed to have elevated her to at least mid height in his mind. Yet here she stood. Not even coming up to his collarbone, greying, tired… resolute. (Maybe it hadn't all been boyish imaginings.)

He had been forced to remain on his knees as a list of his offences where read out by Dameron who looked like he was enjoying every minute of this. He spotted the traitor Stormtrooper not far from the pilot's side, glowering down at him. A sea of faces all looking at him in disgust. Not much was new there. He saw none of them though as he scanned the crowd.

 _Where was she?_

He couldn't sense her in the crowd but she was here. Somewhere. Hiding? No, that wasn't her style. Preparing… yes, that seemed more likely.

General Organa didn't visit him in the days leading up to the trial. She didn't have to. He could feel everything that was going through her mind from half a Palace away. Grief, fear, duty, despair, yearning, anger, but mostly sadness. Overwhelming sadness. For what was to be, what had been and what could have been.

Kylo didn't allow his shields to drop. They had never had a traditional mother-son bond but, despite all he had done against all she had worked for, some things were best taken with you to the end.

The trial was held on Coruscant at the old Senate where Palpatine himself had once stood. The public demanded justice and why not give them a show, Kylo reasoned.

Hux was also there to stand alongside him. It amused him somewhat to see his former comrade looking dishevelled and livid at his situation. His normally slicked-back hair was falling limply into his eyes and his uniform was dirty. Kylo had at least been given the option to bathe before this circus started. Maybe his mother was making life easier than he had anticipated.

Phasma had met her fate on the battleground so it was just the two of them left.

A list of their grievances were read out. Kylo was given opportunity to speak but refused. Enough had been said. Hux wasn't so keen on the silent and accepting approach and ranted on and loudly about the virtues of the First Order. Predictably the Senate went into uproar at the reasoning and Hux just yelled all the louder (the man had a set of lungs on him; he wouldn't have made so many speeches for the First Order if he didn't.)

In the end none of it really mattered. The verdict was a foregone conclusion.

The verdict: Guilty. The sentence: Death.

Kylo felt her presence in the arena-like room but it was so vast and there were so many faces that he didn't even try to see her.

She was here. That was enough.

* * *

Kylo spent the first two days after the trial completely alone except for the service droids who brought him food. He had been taken to his new cell back on Naboo and left there. Some people had taken umbridge to the fact his quarters were being improved. Funnily enough, a guard posted outside his door gave the best argument in his defence.

"He's already a dead man. What harm can it do now?"

Kylo spent that time meditating and thinking over things. Life on The Finalizer had always been about the moment. Looking back would have unravelled his mind altogether.

A few temper tantrums were nothing in comparison, he mused wryly.

His first human visitor was Dameron three days later. There was no preamble.

"Your execution day is scheduled. It will be when the three moons align above Naboo."

Ten days. More time than he expected.

"I take it that it will be public." He didn't voice it as a question.

Dameron shifted. He almost looked uncomfortable.

"It will be on the steps of the palace."

"Hmm." Kylo nodded. Dameron was looking at him oddly. A mixture of dislike and confusion in his eyes. Kylo's lips quirked into a smile. "You expected me to be frightened."

Dameron stood up all the straighter. "I don't expect emotion from monsters." Kylo smiled wider.

That was more like it.

"Anything else?"

The pilot shifted some more.

"Is there anything you require?" It looked like it hurt him to ask. They weren't adapt at making each other comfortable. "Any last wishes?"

Kylo Ren pushed down the desire to irritate Dameron further and thought it over. He was sufficiently fed and had what was needed for relative comfort. It was quiet for a moment before he spoke again.

"Tell her I'm waiting."

Dameron raised an eyebrow. "The General believes you would not want to-"

"I'm not talking about the General."

"Well, then, who?"

Kylo tried to smirk but was fairly confident it look rather wistful instead of cocky.

"You know who."

* * *

Kylo had a window in his cell and he was housed high enough to see the steps of the palace. The people of Naboo would be given a good view from there. At noon tomorrow, the view from those steps would be the last he would ever see.

Hux had gone to his death with sneering anger. The crowd expected humility and jeered at his arrogance. It had been relatively clean. Blast bolt to the back of the head. No messing about. Kylo had watched. He had felt almost admiration for him. They had never been friends but he hadn't gone meekly to his fate. That was a trait that was as impressive as it was foolhardy.

Kylo was oddly calm. He'd not felt an extreme of emotion for at least three weeks since he was captured. The rage and fear were still there (would always be there) but beyond anything he felt a bone weary tiredness.

Because he was. He was so tired. He had not had a decent nights sleep for seventeen years. And he wouldn't sleep until she came.

He had tried to reach out to her. Her shields were iron tight from her training with Skywalker though and unlike the General, whom had never had the training to shield her mind, he couldn't read her thoughts.

There was a part of him that was starting to feel the fear rise up. It was his last night and if she didn't come…

So much would die with him.

The sun was setting over Naboo when he felt her presence stronger than he ever had before. He didn't turn around as the door opened. He kept looking at the sun and let her light goodness bathe him better than any dusk could dream of doing.

"I was told you wanted to see me."

Her voice was clearly trying to sound bored or indifferent. It was trying anyway.

"Yes. About two weeks ago." Kylo replied wryly. He turned away from the window and looked on her.

Wrapped in a tunic and pants provided by the Jedi academy, she had come a long way since he had chased her through the forest of Takodana. She had been terrified of him and had shot blindly to keep him away. Now she came before him with the posture of a soldier and had clearly been taking tips from the General in schooling her features.

But some things were completely unchanged.

She still wore her hair in that odd little three bun do.

She still had a dusting of freckles over the bridge of her nose.

She was still terrified.

* * *

 **Comments are love.**


	2. Chapter 2

"I had duties." She spat.

"What duties?" Kylo scoffed. "Keeping the empire safe? I'd say this force restricting cell is doing your job for you."

"As remarkable as it might seem, the world does not revolve around you." Her freckles looked more prominent when she was angry, he noted with amusement. She looked around the cell.

"Why do you want to see me?"

"Why not?"

"It's a bit odd to have a catch-up with an enemy on the eve of..." she trailed off. She quickly looked out of the window.

"You're not my enemy. You never were."

He moved away from the window and sat down on the chair by the desk. His bones ached. Oh, if only he could sleep.

"What am I then?"

"You're my guest."

A breath rushed out of her nose almost close to a snort. "I think it's safe to say _you_ are _our_ guest."

She looked at him again and slowly sat herself down on his bed so they were directly facing each other.

"Your mother is struggling. I can feel it." Rey announced and looked down at her hands. "I don't know what to say to her. What can I say to this?"

"It's not your job to take on her troubles."

"Someone has to!" Her eyes pierce his again. He knows she's thinking about what happened on that bridge when he took away the only person who could have had an inkling to what Leia Organa was going through.

Let her hate him. She doesn't have any reason not to.

"I'm sure the General and me will speak at some point tomorrow. Until then, let it be."

Rey didn't seem to miss the irony of taking advice from Kylo Ren but stayed silent.

"You haven't answered my question" Rey pressed. "Why did you want to see me?"

Kylo crossed his hands over his lap.

"Granted, I haven't much experience in this line of tradition but it seems common practise for a condemned man to have a final talk about his life the night before the big event. As we don't have many elderly Jedi left to hear me and there is no way I'm going to call your Master, you seem as good a choice as any."

Rey was clearly prepared for most things but not that.

* * *

"You want me to be your… confessor?" Rey rolled the words over her tongue to try and see if they tasted any better coming from her mouth. She was disappointed; they still sounded baffling and darkly comedic.

Kylo merely shrugged. "To a certain extent. You already know more about me than my own family. And all my sins have been publicly read out."

"What is there left for you to say then?"

Kylo looked at his hands and then out of the window. The sun had almost disappeared. The glow threw shapes across his face. Rey took a deep breath through her nose. Now was not a good time to notice he had a dusting of freckles similar to her own under the silver line her blade had left behind on his face at Starkiller Base.

"You have always felt I had more to say than anyone else. I could feel it. Through the bond. I personally don't know what it is you want to hear. But I'm in an indulgent mood. And it's nice – to think that someone actually wants to listen to what I have to say. Even now."

Rey's fingers gripped the thin quilt underneath her. Ever since that battle where she had scarred his face, they had forged a connection. Neither had sought it. Neither had wanted it. The last thing she had wanted was to feel rage and violence while she was trying to practice meditation on Ach-To.

It was hard to fill yourself with the light of the Force while feeling someone destroy themselves from the inside a galaxy away.

Rey had spent her nights in prayer before the waves of the ocean. She would sit herself on a rock next to where the Millennium Falcon and Chewbacca were waiting dutifully. She would not say a word and after some time Chewie would go about the maintenance of the ship without disturbing her. She would stare at the ship and the eight foot tall beast who resembled an animal you found in the wildest of planets and had none of their viciousness.

Chewie had lost his friend and comrade. The ship had lost its pilot. Leia had lost her husband. Rey had lost her chance of a father.

She had to focus on that to keep her objective alive. To avenge her father figure. To ignore how much Ren's tears and choked sobs affected her when he thought he was alone.

Master Luke warned her against this method. Revenge was a trait of the dark side and can twist the strongest of good minds, he preached. Rey couldn't allow herself to fall to that seductive power. But the alternative was that her compassion for him would fester.

She grew stronger. She grew more confident. The barriers around her became tighter. Certain memories were safe from anyone getting close to them. She never wanted her loneliness and vulnerability to be seen ever again.

It had made her sick. Knowing he had seen her at her weakest. At her worst. His breath on her face as he told her tale back to her. The pathetic hopes of a child hit her ears like a bum note.

His eyes throughout. So pitying. So understanding. Because he knew. He knew this loneliness.

Having something in common with him was the worst of it.

They met again on battlefields. Each time rewarding the other with fresh wounds that bacta could heal and time would need longer to erase. His voice was getting louder. Anger, fear, irritation, desperation. In the name of the Force, no wonder he was so volatile. Half an hour a day of this turmoil and Rey was clawing at the ground in her little hut.

 _Enough_. _Enough_!

But it wasn't just torment and that's what stopped Rey from trying to cut the bond altogether.

It was what was beyond that. What came before.

Rey likened it to a hallway of doors. She would be walking down it when one would open briefly, giving her a glimpse of an image before slamming shut again.

Another would open, and something would dash out, shoot past her and into another door. It would slam closed before she even got a glimpse. Echoes would remain. Conversations. Music. Laughter.

The one that kept coming back was a musical kind of laugh. It sounded like a child's. It bounced down the hall. It was locked away in Ren's mind and yet it was given something of a free reign to rove around the corridors. He let it out of the doors now and again and let it fill the cavities of his psyche.

It was the only time he reached something that resembled peace.

Rey didn't think the light in people was given enough credit. It could manipulate and turn a person just as powerfully as Snoke could do.

When he was captured, she felt… fear. Fear for _him_.

She had reached out tentatively when she heard he was on Naboo with the Resistance. Although she knew his lineage to the General would keep him from any real harm from more heavy-handed forms of justice, she knew a trial would come.

It was with amazement that she found the anger, fear, disgust… it was there but it… wasn't. It wasn't at the front door of his mind ready to greet her. It was tucked away. Sleeping almost. It was acceptance and tiredness that came forward to take her cloak instead.

The trial came and she was among the spectators. She had hitched up the hood of her Jedi cloak lest he catch sight of her. She wanted him to know she was there with him but she wanted her face hidden. To think he may look up and see her face amongst those condemning him… _No_.

He had stood tall, hadn't given any sign of fear, contrition, anything. The mask which the Resistance had made a point of crushing before taking him on board their ship didn't seem necessary. He had always been hopeless at schooling his emotions. He still was.

The only conclusion was he had no emotion left for his face to showcase.

 _Guilty. Death._

 _No_. _No_ …

His blocks had been in place so he could sense her presence but not hear her. Maybe he hadn't wanted to. He hadn't wanted any more conversation in the head. Come to me or keep your words, it seemed to say to her. She felt like clawing at the metal door of his mind.

 _Fight. Protest. Ask for clemency. Give information in exchange. Do something!_

Nothing. He was led away with Hux.

Poe's message was almost a relief. Almost.

She had first thought to stand resolute with the General and honour Han's memory by not giving an inch. Leia may have only been doing it because Ren seemed to convey that he would not want any motherly grief in his cell, but that was beside the point.

She lasted nearly a week until she witnessed Hux's execution.

The blaster gun had only just rung out over the square when she ran to the General and requested a visiting pass.

This story couldn't come to an end with blood on the palace steps.

* * *

Kylo watched as she seemed to mull over his words.

 _This girl. Oh, this girl._

He had done things to get her to come to stand at his side that had defied logic and reason. He would do them again.

With this woman, he could have done so much. He could have been unstoppable. Omnipotent.

 _I could have even been good._

She raised her head and looked him in the eye.

"Very well." He could feel her push forward to step into his mind. He raised a hand to signal her no further.

"None of that. I think we've both had enough of that. Ask me a question. Any question. I will answer. I want us to have a conversation before I die that doesn't involve one of us strapped to a gurney or you trying to cut the rest of my face off."

"How will I know you are telling me the truth?"

Kylo did something then that made Rey want to both cry and be sick: he smiled. It was a soft kind of smile. Amused. His face crinkled when he smiled. He looked so young. So human.

"If anyone can tell I'm lying, it's you."

Rey focused on the pull of his lips, such a sensual pair of lips, before looking him in the eye.

"Anything I ask?"

He nodded. "So tell me; what do you want to know?"


End file.
